The world of cruising has exploded. There are cruise ships and cruise ports over much of the world that is not currently at war (earth is almost always at war). The cost of cruising is somewhat high but then again you tend to get what you pay for.
It seems that going on cruises has become a very enjoyable, fashionable trend. I know some people who go on several cruises a year and swear by them.
Being out of sight of land can be fun. What’s out there? Water and more water and wavy water and fierce water and, again, you can visit other countries and cultures.
When you cruise you aren’t stuck in a place or two. You can visit areas of the world you only dreamed about. Or never even knew you were interested in them. Perhaps going to different itineraries can be great fun too.
Why not see areas of the world you have never seen before? That you’ve only read about? They are all out there in the great wide blue waters.
Areas with lush jungles, and epic forests and gleaming beaches with happy swimmers, warm weather ports where folks have only heard about winter and never experienced it. Or on the flip side, the frozen areas such as Antarctica or the North Pole. Or Alaska!
If you enjoy cruising your choices are almost without end. You just have to stay away from countries that have not yet realized it is a waste of time to wage war when you only have one life to live.
And the food on cruises? (Maybe bring a bigger belt.) Wow! The drinks? Oh, yeah, hiccup! Your fellow passengers can be children (I’ll pass), teens (I’ll pass), 20s (I’ll probably pass), 30s on up to senior citizens (okay, that’s me).
What are the ships like? Oh, boy. They go from monstrously gigantic ships that make the Titanic look as if it were a row boat. You can book large suites all the way down to interior rooms that almost anyone can afford.
And then you have luxury cruise lines where you have your own butler (“Yes, your highness,” they’ll say, “what is your wish this morning, sire?”) and these ships rarely have more than a thousand passengers.
You can book cruises that allow you to hobnob with the young party folks or the older folks (I prefer the older folks!) and everything in between. So, take your pick!
And just about every cruise ship will have a casino. On cross Atlantic Ocean trips that casino will be open almost 24 hours. I guess you can say that gambling and gallivanting now go hand-in-hand. If you like to gamble then why not gamble in a cruise casino?
Slot Machines
Let’s first take a look at slot machines. I do not have good news here. From what I understand, the average return of cruise slot machines is about 80%. That is much lower than the average return of machines in land-based casinos.
You will note that this is merely a guess of mine as the cruise casinos do not have to release their returns unless they want to. And there are so many ships that keeping track would be an absolutely dull exercise in parsing playing percentages.
So, just realize you aren’t getting the best machine bets when you play the machines on a cruise ship. If you are a slot player, what should you do?
Play the lowest denomination machines. Play one decision at a time as opposed to multiple lines where you can have two, three, four or more options that you must pay to play. One decision at a time. And play as slow as you can without feeling that you are restraining yourself.
Generally, you can be on a cruise ship for 4 to 10 days and in that time you might have the desire to let it all hang out when you gamble. Restrain yourself if you happen to be that type of gambler. You want to enjoy the cruise, not lament it when it’s over.
For some reason, the slot machines attract a tremendous amount of play wherever they are found. This is true ever since they were invented over a 100 and then some years ago.
So, you must be smart enough to play them intelligently. One decision at a time! Remember that.
Blackjack
Blackjack is still the number one table-game in the casinos – be they land-based casinos or on cruise ship casinos. It is a game that requires knowledge of how to play the various hands you get against the dealer’s face-up card.
I think cruise ship casinos will allow you to bring a blackjack strategy card with you when you play so you make the right decisions on the proper way to play your hands. If you feel shaky about your strategies then ask if you can bring a card to the table. If you can’t then you might want to go to a simpler game, such as roulette.
The cruise casinos’ game of blackjack is somewhat weak when compared to the best of the land-based casinos. Most might have the following rules:
- Blackjacks will pay only 6-to-5 as opposed to 3-to-2.
- Dealers will hit a soft 17 (ace 6) instead of standing on all 17s.
- Games might be dealt from eight-deck or even-more-deck shoes.
- Doubling down might be restricted; you won’t be able to double down on any first two cards.
- You can’t double down on a split of pairs.
You will find that the table minimum bet is much lower than in land-based casinos and this is a very good thing. Be aware of the following:
- Only play one hand. Do not spread to two or three hands.
- Go to the bathroom when the dealer is dealing, not when he or she is shuffling the cards.
- The more hands you play, the better it will be for the casino, the worse it will be for the player.
- Play the lowest stakes you can that still make you feel as if you are gambling. No reason to play higher stakes than that.
- Do not allow the gambling to replace other activities such as the shows, the tours, and the like.
Roulette
Blaise Pascal created the game of roulette in the 1600s. Blaise was a man of many dimensions, a scientist, theologian, philosopher, mathematician, and his greatest desire in life was to create a perpetual-motion machine.
He failed in that as has everyone who has ever tried to do this but he still has one great thing he invented, the game of roulette. That may wind up being his perpetual motion machine.
Roulette was the number one game in the casinos until craps surpassed it in the 1940s and then blackjack took over in the mid-1960s. Still roulette has a large and loyal following.
Generally, the game you will play on a cruise ship will be the American double-zero (0, 00) wheel. There will be 38 pockets for the ball to fall into, numbers 1-36, and those green 0 and 00.
The payment for a direct hit on a number is 35-to-1. The real payout should be 37-to-1 but the casino can’t make any money if it doesn’t shortchange the payout to the winning player.
How should you play roulette? Obviously, that is your choice but I have certain ideas that I will share with you.
I do not like playing an inside bet on one number. There are 37 ways to lose that bet and only one way to win it. Yes, the payment is shorted at 35-to-1 and you can have very, very long losing streaks. That’s not for me.
I prefer playing the proposition bets of red/black, odd/even, or high/low. These are called even-money bets not because they are 50/50 propositions but because they will pay even money on a win.
The player will have 18 ways to win and 20 ways to lose. You can see that those interminable losing streaks will be rare.
The casino will still have the edge on you but you will feel as if you are in the game by playing the even-money bets.
There are some other proposition bets such as the dozens, the columns, and separate section bets on the layout. These will generally pay more than 1-to-1 but they are still better than going up on a single inside number.
You might be like me; long losing streaks just kill the game and those you can expect when you play directly on a single number.
And, say hi to Blaise Pascal when you play his game!
[Please note: The single-zero wheel (0) has a 2.7% house edge, while the triple-zero wheel (0, 00, 000) has a 7.69% house edge.]
Craps
This game started along the Mississippi River in the South of America and slowly made its way to the big and little cities (and alleys!) of the North.
It was called crabs. (Or krabs.) And was probably based on an English game called Hazard. But Northerners couldn’t quite get the Southern pronunciation of crabs correctly and they mistakenly changed the name of the game to craps. That’s what they heard. And craps became its name.
Yes, the game was often played in alleyways in the big cities and in illegal casinos owned by cigar-smoking steely-eyed gangsters (okay, okay, I have no idea who the actual gangsters were or if they smoked cigars or had steely eyes). It was the city game despite the fact that it originated along the banks of a mighty, muddy, river.
During World War II, the game (along with poker) became the military game. Soldiers and sailors played it in whatever spare time they had unless they were actually in combat.
After the war, craps became the number one casino game, often tied with roulette, where it stood almost invincible until blackjack took over first place in the 1960s. Blackjack is still number one.
Craps was also a man’s game because until this second the men dominate its ranks. I would say that perhaps 90-95% of the players are male. Women shy away from the game.
Craps has a multitude of bets, going from excellent down (all the way down) to some of the absolutely worst bets in the casino.
Make those awful bets, as many craps players seem compelled to do, and your prospects to win are remote. In fact, my mentor, the late Captain from Atlantic City, called the worst bets at craps the Crazy Crapper bets. That gives you some idea of what they are like and what happens to the players who make them.
Most cruise casinos will have one or two craps tables as each table requires at least four dealers. There are two types of craps games and they are played simultaneously; the “right” game and the “don’t” game, also called the “darkside” game. Guess which players are despised by the other craps players?
The rightside players are rooting for the shooter to make his point and the darksiders are rooting for the shooter to seven-out as quickly as possible. Maybe 90% of players are rightside players. The cheers you will hear at the craps tables are probably coming from rightsiders whose numbers and points are being hit.
(If you hear a splash, it is probably a darksider hitting the ocean waves!)
The best way to play craps is the simplest way. Bet one or two of the best bets and be done with it. The fact that there are dozens of bets should make you realize there is a reason most craps players ultimately become forlorn.
The best bets to make are the pass line (1.41% house edge) adding odds (no house edge) when the pass line number is established and (if you can afford it) a second bet, usually a come with odds or a place bet of the 6 or 8.
Two bets will suffice. You’ll have plenty of rolls where nothing hits and that is just fine. Enjoy the camaraderie at the table. Forget about betting the darkside as you might wind up being the player making the splash in the ocean. If you have never played craps buy a good book and study the game.
Conclusion: Enjoy your cruises and play some time in the casino, yes, but do not allow the gambling to take away from why you are on that ship. There’s a big world out there.
All the best in and out of the casinos!
